I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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