Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
