Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
