physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
