Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
