apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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