So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
