You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
