Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
