I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
