the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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