I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
