he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
