i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
