he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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