I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
