So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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