Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
