My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
