I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
