I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
