woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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