i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
