Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
