even my farts smell like vagina
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
