i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
