Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
