There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
