I CAN MOONWALK!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
