just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
