Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
