I got her a Nickelback box set.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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