Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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