ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
