I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
