I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
