Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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