god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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