When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A bitchslap is in order.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
