My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
