i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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