your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
