There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
