i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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