Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
