so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
