Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
