ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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