just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
