Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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