sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
