Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
