Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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