I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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