Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
